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Specialness and Special Relationships
Q: I do feel the concept of marriage is exclusive, maintaining separation by forming its own personal, little bond with another One which is more special than any other relationship. I feel the role of wife is very limiting. Yet, having a best friend here for me all the time is not only extremely enjoyable, it is comforting and "secure," too. (We DO almost everything together.) It seems I am more than willing to accept a limiting role in order to GET this friendship (specialness) I desire. I know this is a bargain and therefore of the ego, but I am afraid to release it. (I don't like being "alone.") There are other ego agreements my partner and I have made, too. Sex: sometimes I want it, and sometimes I just give it because my partner wants it and I want to give him the gift of whatever he wants. (Isn't the "love" behind the act real?) However, there are other ego agreements we used to have that we HAVE GIVEN UP. We do not support each other's attack on any brother anymore, and we do help each other ask Holy Spirit what everything is for. We try to remind each other to stay present, and we help each other practice forgiveness.
In one of my ACIM classes, we have just been reading about special function (text follows this paragraph) and specialness and special relationships. What was taught in this class is that, although we make special relationships for separation, Holy Spirit uses even special relationships for healing and forgiveness, too. (Interestingly enough, this is an ACIM class with a lot of couples. In the class I go to with a lot of single people, marriage is portrayed in a very negative light. I notice that we do try and justify what we want to hear.)
"The wish to see calls down the grace of God upon your eye, and brings the gift of light that makes sight possible. Would you behold your brother? God is glad to have you look on him. He does not will your savior be unrecognized by you. Nor does he will that he remain without the function that He gave to him. Let him no more be lonely, for the lonely ones are those who see no function in the world for them to fill; no place where they are needed. And no aim which only they can perfectly fulfill.
Such is the Holy Spirit's kind perception of specialness; His use of what you made to heal instead of harm. To each He gives a special function in salvation he alone can fill; a part for only him. Nor is the plan complete until he finds his special function, and fulfill the part assigned to him, to make himself complete within a world where incompleteness rules." (T25, VI, 3-4)
In class it was said that this text says that our special function is to forgive the specific symbols each of us has made in our seeming separateness. So I am to forgive the symbol of separation I have made by having a special relationship. I know forgiveness is only in the mind, and what is in the mind is projected outward. So as I know my partner is no more special to me than any other brother (because there is only One of us), my outer behavior will naturally change. My fear is that I must release this 26-year marriage to my "best friend" in order to forgive the world and fulfill my special function. Is this true? Must we release all special relationships? I don't want to be lonely. I need to be around people, and my partner really likes being around me. Not everyone seems to have time to be with me, but he always does. I like being with people. I love people.
And also, if we must release the concept of marriage, then does it
follow that we need release the activity of sex because it focuses on
body thoughts? And then do we also have to release eating, breathing, and keeping warm? The truth is, I am not attached to sex.
It is something I do (mostly) because the other desires it. However,
I really, really enjoy eating.
My only goal is to heal. ACIM has released me from 47 years of pain, and I don't want to go back there ever again. I am WILLING to do WHATEVER Holy Spirit guides me to do to further my/our healing and forgiveness. I will give up whatever I have to in this effort. I WILL make whatever changes are necessary in this goal. However, right now, I see giving up special relationships as sacrifice and I know God never asks us to sacrifice. This means, of course, that I need a change of mind here, a miracle. Please help me understand what my special function is, and help me change my mind to see all of this rightly.
Thank you so much for your willingness to be God's Holy and perfect channel. I love you forever in eternity!
A: Beloved One
Thanks for your devotion to Awakening and for your sincere questions
about the subtleties of specialness, special relationships, and your
special function. I feel the gratitude you express for the Holy Spirit's
use of all the symbols in your perception. As you continue to ask the
Holy Spirit what everything is for the Purpose will become very clear:
The sole responsibility is to accept the Atonement for oneself. The
only Helpful Purpose a dream of separation could serve would be to offer
a reflection of a Still, nonjudgmental mind. This is why forgiveness
is the key to happiness and offers everything that you truly want: safety,
security, intimacy, freedom, love, peace, joy, & happiness. In the
realm of perception forgiveness is truly your "best friend." Salvation's
task is the exchange of concepts, approaching the all-encompassing concept
of forgiveness: the one concept that leads out of all the
The concept of marriage is a stepping stone along the path of Awakening. Its value rests in what the marriage is for. If the marriage concept is for getting needs met and focussing on an object of affection, or for companionship to alleviate loneliness or a sense of isolation, then the concept is being used by the ego to reinforce the belief in separation from God.
If the marriage concept is being used as a means of mirroring the mind in a shared commitment to Awakening through exposing and releasing erroneous beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and perceptions, then the concept serves the Holy Spirit while the belief in time is undone. Specialness and linear time are synonymous. The Holy Instant and Spiritual Union are synonymous. True Union is the Christ Mind at One with God and transcends all concepts, even forgiveness. As the mind is emptied of all concepts the seeming needs and struggles and conflicts of interpersonal relationships are laid down, for they have ceased to have any meaning. Identity as Spirit is All Meaning. You are the goal the world was searching for, and in finding or recognizing the Self all goals have vanished.
Be gentle with your mind in the Awakening. Awakening is a change of
mind that recognizes the Changelessness of Spirit. Awakening depends
on willingness and readiness for a shift in perception and is never induced through attempts to change behaviors or circumstances
to suit preconceived concepts of what is specifically more spiritual
or less spiritual. As you immerse in the Purpose the Holy Spirit offers
you will be given a "special function." The meaning of term
"special function" simply refers to the Holy Spirit's use
of the symbols that are in your awareness. The term in no way means
"better" or "more holy than" in terms of behavior
but does represent the Purpose in mind that the Holy Spirit offers.
As the mind opens to this Purpose the joy and glee of function fulfilled
is obvious! The feelings of love and fulfillment and contentment replace
all sense of lack and incompletion and unworthiness. In this experience
there is no sense of sacrifice, for wholeness knows not of lack.
"Do not raise body thoughts to the level of mind" simply means do not see causation in form or bodies. The body and all forms are unreal effects of an unreal "cause" -the ego. God is a real Cause and Christ is a real Effect. Body thoughts were only the attempt to believe that something real could exist outside and apart from the Mind of God. There is nothing outside the Mind of God. Christ remains a Pure Idea in the Mind of God. This is why Self-realization is Spiritual and not of matter or time-space.
In Awakening the Holy Spirit is the Comforter, and this is the true meaning of Friend. In Oneness there is no "best" or "worst," no "more" or "less." Bodies and world will fade from awareness because they are not Eternal. The Holy Spirit is the Friend that remains Eternal. The "Voice for God" will seem to cease when the illusion of time is not held in awareness, and the journey to nowhere is forgotten. Turn to the Comforter and let the Holy Spirit give your weary mind its Everlasting Rest. Rest in God. Watch the Plan in Joy!
In Loving Kindness.
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