Releasing the Pain of the Past
Q: Thank you for you kind words. I had wanted to ask a question when
we saw you, but felt it wasn’t appropriate and would be too difficult
to ask. So I will try and phrase the question to you without a long
drawn out story.
As a child I was raised in a family that was involved in a Ritualistic
organization. People would call it a Satanic cult. Talk about the ugliness
of the ego, it was personified in these people. All the horrors of abuse,
torture etc were my life growing up on a daily basis. I won' get into
the details. My Mother and most of the extended family are practicing
to this day. My brother is now also involved with them. My Father killed
himself when I was 10, I believe because he couldn’t handle the
guilt. I stopped all contact with them 6 years ago once I remembered
they were involved with this. I have gone through extensive therapy
which has been on going for the past 18 years. I stopped having memories
of the events and abuse that took place about 3 years ago. My journey
has been incredible and despite the obvious excruciating pain of surviving
this as a child and reliving it through therapy to heal I would not
change my life. It has made me a strong person and I know I chose my
life. I could not have survived this experience and did pass over twice
and was brought back at the ages of 7 and 17 at the hands of my mother.
I know all this has a purpose and I choose this life and that God is
with me every step of the way.
I guess my question to you is that the fear of my mother and the things
that were done to me seem so deep and affect so many areas of my life
I don't know how to heal what feels like a humongous all consuming fear
and guilt within me. I have even had a holy instant of knowing my mother
is my teacher and my brother and that she did nothing to me. But I am
still afraid of her it seems to be at a cell level. Throughout the 18
years I have prayed and worked on forgiveness asking for the grace to
forgive her. But I know as long as I am afraid of her I have not forgiven
her. Consequently this fear affects every area of my life. I can't seem
to get past it. Ultimately it is a fear of God and guilt of the separation.
Is there anything you might be able to tell me to help me heal this?
I don't want this to rule my life anymore and I don't want to give my
power away to this anymore. My mother is in a horribly dark place and
can't experience God's love she is so shut down. It is painful to be
cut off from all of that part of the family, but I have an incredible
family with my husband and children that I feel very blessed. Studying
the course has been my greatest blessing and healing.
I don't know if this makes any sense to you. This is always on my mind
and I feel like my life is defined by it and I know that's not true.
On this level as a human being it's a huge forgiveness lesson and one
I want to get. Anything you can tell me would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you again for all of the blessings you give with your work for
God's love and peace always.
A: Beloved One
Though your experiences and memories were very intense, you have a more
accurate sense of the madness and depth of insanity of the ego. This
has helped give you an impetus and calling to forgive the illusion and
recognize the truth. In some way the intensity is always a motivator
to find another way of perceiving, and this disillusionment is always
a helpful first step toward transcending the ego. Now the inner healing
work must be nurtured, and it is very helpful to focus on all you have
to be grateful for. The biological family was just a starting point
or launching pad for the glorious experience of Communion with God to
come. Be grateful that through the acting out of the ego the mind did
reach a turning point that has begun the inner journey to healing and
Trust that as you accept the Correction for the error that everyone
will be freed with you, because when perception is healed all is forgiven.
Blessings of Peace to your Heart.
Q: Thank you. You brought tears to my eyes and peace to my heart. I
know my forgiveness will also release all those I hold on to as "hurting"
me. Peace for them and peace for me. Thank you for reminding me of that.
I know my experience will help someone else and I have had the opportunity
to share and help someone heal that had the same experience. That was
the most peaceful feeling to know there is a reason I chose my life.
Even if it was one person. To give them hope that we can do anything
and survive anything with the love and guidance of God. Thank you for
taking time to answer me so quickly when you are so busy.