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Releasing the Ego Impulse to Blame or try to Change the Past
Q: Well, my motive for writing to you is for further clarification, and also as I am watching myself type this and notice how I am feeling, I am aware of feeling unsure, unsafe with little confidence. Therefore, I guess I am also searching for re-assurance that all is working together for good and that trust is deepening.
Here goes… Well, babies are born to be dependent on humans or the world and have something to blame for their unhappiness. This is so in an attempt to avoid responsibility for our own state of mind, which is our sole responsibility. I bring this up because I realize that I have set everything up in such a way to distract myself from relaxing into the living moment and Being In Joy!
I have chosen my family and they have chosen me. I have set it all up…the world, family, friends, situations, circumstances, events, ideals…thoughts. The good news is that I AM not any of these things. I am not the world. I am not family, friends, situations, circumstances, events, ideals…thoughts. I AM AS GOD CREATED ME!…Whole, Perfect, Changeless, Eternal.
Why am I so sad it seems… I seem to be sad about having set everything up in order to prove to myself that the false self image that I made is true. Well, it is not true. I set my whole life up until now by using others and situations to prove that this lie that I made up about myself is true. This is the ego's game and I am no longer willing to play it because all it is doing is keeping me distracted from fully living in the Now It Self.
I realize that the only way to stop playing the game is to stop running from the present moment. As I observe myself, I still have this hidden wish that the past did not happen the way I think it did. I mean, I wish that I did not set anything up with family… and also with that guy in Africa for which I still think about – and it is not only sexual—at least I don't think so since I realize that I have a dependency on sex, the childhood rape seems to occur over and over in the mind (the seeming separation). You have mentioned at some point last year that the form is not the problem, it is a perceptual problem. Once again, I put everything in the Holy Spirit's hands, trust and ask for the truth to be revealed. I have come to the sole realization that I do not know what anything is for.
Since the past did not occur the way I think it did, because in the same instant that the error seemingly occurred, the correction was made. The Holy Spirit was the correction and I want to accept the correction, that is, accept the Holy Spirit in my heart and let Him lead the way.
I find that I am still hard on myself. I watch and am aware of this wanting everything right now. This is possible because Everything Is Right Now or Right Now Is Everything. However, I realize that I am still afraid because of all these seeming ego devices I made, this business… I am learning to be kind and gentle with myself and when I am ready, the NOW has dawned on me and so has the truth about who I am.
Accepting oneself fully – who I think I am and who I really am… merging into who I really am. I am a little confused about what I just shared with you because well, I'm not sure. But, to accept who I really am, I must go through a seeming process and accept who I think I am. Help…or maybe it is just accept that I am not responsible for the error (and it is not I that has made the error but the me that I thought I was… identifying with the ego, with judgement, with nothingness, with illusions) but I am responsible in accepting the correction for myself. Again, help…I think…
Thank you!!!!!! Thank you Holy Spirit!!!!! Thank you God!!!!!!!!! Thank
you to myself for your
A: Beloved One
Thanks for pouring your heart out to me. Yes, just allow the memories and thoughts to arise in awareness, and gently be reminded that these are past thoughts floating through consciousness. The greatest ego temptation is to believe that things would have been better if they were different - and this is the desire to change the past or figure it out instead of releasing (forgiving) it.
Last night I watched the movie "The Butterfly Effect." It was a 'mind watcher' that offers the forgiving lesson that it is impossible to fix characters or past memories. The main character keeps reliving scenarios and memories that were blacked out because of the intense trauma and horror. Using the power of mind to remake the scenes and scenarios sends the script off in alternate directions, yet none of the life scripts offer any lasting satisfaction. Those who are destined to 'meet' in form will meet, though the lesson in mind is always to see the past as past and the false as false. The past is over, though the ego wants the error to repeat over and over. The dreamer of the dream state of mind is tranquil and peaceful, and this is accepting the Atonement or Correction for the entire dream. I think you will find "The Butterfly Effect" a helpful resource in your healing.
Tonight I will, once again (ha ha), be watching "Eternal Sunshine
Of The Spotless Mind," a spectacular tool and symbol of memory
deletion and surrender and forgiveness. Love transcends all of the perceptual
memories, though the ego believes the memories ARE the 'love.' The Light
that shines beyond all perceptual memories is blazing with Eternal Love
in a Spotless Divine Mind. Beyond the temptation to judge and blame
is a Love so Deep and Pure that the
In love and gratitude.
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