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A Prayer to Be in Touch with the Comforter
Q: My heart is so weary and seeks solace. I have perused your website for some time and have found comfort in your materials. I have yet to be aware of the Comforter Himself. Sometimes I think and hope that I feel Him. I have demonstrated to myself that HE is there with me even in the presence of many others. It still remains true for me that I just, so often, do not know what to do or what to say. I guess I just do not yet know how to trust.
I am often very scared, especially of late. Thoughts of persecution and attack haunt my mind, most of them seeming to take the form of opposition towards my person. It does seem to me that the world does not want what I, in my highest hopes, want with all my heart, but am too afraid to grasp. Oh! why do I still resist???
I am touched by the Course. I am touched by the story of Jesus in Urantia. I am touched by Augustine's Confessions. And I am also touched by Christian Science as taught by Mary herself and her earliest followers. IT seems that, in some way, they all point towards the same glorious truth. In some ways, there seem to be discrepancies, but I can accept that this must be due to my ignorance, and that if I could just fasten on the glory of God, that the ambiguity would disappear. And then, I often wonder if I just want to be in conflict and lament the whole thing.
Now, I am a student at the University of Iowa. I am often afraid because I do not know what my future will be. Everything that I believe and would profess is directly antagonistic to the common opinion and beliefs held. I would so welcome the atmosphere of questioning these things, but no one really wants this. I have one friend that is open to me and what I say, but I do not see any support elsewhere. There is no degree or major offered by the University that I believe I would be happy in. I am interested in about any discipline you can name, but do not really believe that I could pick just one. I do not think I would be happy being a priest for I fear the hypocrisy in the churches, and those that have stepped away from the truer idea and would attack it in the name of almighty God. These are the many things that fill me with dread.
I do not know you, but from what I can understand, you seem to be at
peace and filled with hope for the future. If this is so, I would do
anything you said. And if I do not mean what I say, then I should be
checked for my insincerity. You studied the Course passionately for
two years! My God- the courage! I do not wish to throw cheap flattery
at you, but I really mean this. I have had the thought of doing this
myself but do not see how, in terms of worldly circumstances, how I
could do this. And then I am not even sure if I am ready for that. I
may be too naive in this whole affair. I have felt what I think is peace.
The feeling is very strong and powerful and quiet. It seems that physical
changes happen as well. Sometimes, I do see little sparkles of a brilliant
white light. Also, I have had interesting dreams. Sometimes, the most
perfect moment seems to happen where I am so sure I love someone. A
I read Mary's [Mary Baker Eddy] book and am touched by everything she says but afraid at the same time. I believe that she really healed physically, and while this is certainly not the lesson in itself, the physical part seems to be glossed over in the emphasis of mind only in connection with those who discuss the Course. And while I know that this must be the ultimate, I would hope that God so loves us that He comforts us even here in our false belief so that we may be led out of it. And that was the place I thought physical healing had in the grand scheme of things. All of my conflicts involve my belief in the body and that I am a body, I think. I do not see how to reach God without being relived of these material difficulties. I feel like I am denying what seems to be so obvious; like I am trying to fix on the spiritual idea and hold it even though the physical senses show just the opposite and pronounce me a liar.
I know that some of this may be vague, but I think I have written about all I can for now. I know that you answer the letters addressed to you as you are Guided, and considering how busy you may be, when you have time. I appreciate this and eagerly await your answer.
Sincerely and with a spark of hope.
A: Beloved One
Thanks for writing and unburdening your heart. You are receiving your Calling as many are right now. The glimpses of truth have shown you that our Being is not of this world. And you are on the right track when you realize that you must trust in the Holy Spirit to release the laments of the past and fears about the future. To you there seems to be many things that fill you with dread, but I assure you that only the ego dreads and its one dread is present joining. This joining is the Purpose that dissolves the fear forever.
You have called forth beautiful texts and videos and music and witnesses to remind you that you have a Purpose you must embrace. The situations and circumstances around you will all seem to shift as you embrace your new Purpose. Time is in the hands of the miracle worker, and Christ will arrange time and space to suit your function. You are being Called out of the thinking of the world because you are the Light of the world. When you give your mind's loyalty to the Holy Spirit you withdraw your faith in the ego. It is impossible to serve two masters that have no meeting point. Love and fear can never be reconciled since one is true and the other false. Now is the time to be gentle with yourself and nurture along each nod of willingness that you give to the Holy Spirit.
I can relate to your feelings and beliefs about a future in the educational system, for I was once tempted to believe and feel the same things. You wrote: "There is no degree or major offered by the University that I believe I would be happy in. I am interested in about any discipline you can name, but do not really believe that I could pick just one." This describes my perception during most of the 10 years of University study I completed. The skills and abilities you have seemed to develop in college can and will be used by the Holy Spirit in the Plan of Awakening. Skills and abilities are neutral. It is the purpose to which they are put that either frees the mind (Holy Spirit) or imprisons it (ego).
You wrote: "I am often very scared, especially of late. Thoughts
of persecution and attack haunt my mind, most of them seeming to take
the form of opposition towards my person. It does seem to me that
Deep down everyone wants what you want in your highest hopes, for everyone must inevitably know our Creator and remember our Eternal Oneness. Attack thoughts are the only things that stand in the way of recognizing the Truth of Spirit. It would be wise to give your mind to a mind training discipline such as the Workbook of ACIM, for that will clear the way in your function as a miracle worker.
Workbook Lesson #23 is: "I can escape from the world I see by giving up attack thoughts."
The belief that you can attack and/or be attacked is central to the ego's thought system and its attempt to maintain fear, guilt, and pain. You must realize that attack thoughts never serve to bring peace of mind. If the Peace of God is your goal, attack thoughts must be relinquished. As your trust in the Holy Spirit increases you will see that you have no need of attack thoughts.
The willingness to Awaken must start and end with your heart.
This is exactly how I seemed to feel years ago, yet I was determined
to persist in questioning everything I believed in because deep inside
I knew there had to be another way of living. I kept the
You are zooming in to a very, very direct relationship with the Holy Spirit. Never forget this. You wrote: "I have demonstrated to myself that HE is there with me even in the presence of many others." Yes!!! The Holy Spirit is always Guiding you, and the Holy Spirit's Voice is as loud as your willingness to listen. Brothers and sisters everywhere are hearing and Answering the Call to Awaken, the Call to Salvation, the Call to Enlightenment. I have traveled many places in the past 14 years and I can attest to these witnesses for the desire to Awaken. I will be traveling to Chicago and New York City this month and meeting with many more witnesses to Awakening. They are everywhere, and your willingness will show them to you just as my devotion has brought them into my awareness. They are all sweeties in my mind!
All healing is in and of the mind, and it is helpful to be reminded
that you were looking through a darkened glass at the world when you
perceived sickness or any form of error. The message of the
You are ready to open to your Heavenly function. Christ does not ask for a spiritual resume, yet your willingness will carry you farther along than you can imagine. It cannot be difficult to do all that Christ has appointed for you, for it is Christ Who will do it through you until the realization dawns that You are the One. If you knew Who walks beside you along the way fear would be impossible. I am always with you and you can always Call on the I Am Presence to join you in whatever circumstance you seem to be facing.
My heart goes out to You Beloved One, for You are my Self. Our joining carries the power of All of Heaven! Trust in That and watch the fears of the ego melt away and disappear forever.
In Love Overflowing.
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