Q: Thank you for forwarding the messages on to me and the kind help you and your friends are offering.

What seems to underlie much of my distress is a crushing sense of loneliness and incompleteness and inadequacy, and my life is a picture of never-ending poverty and loneliness and isolation and failure and guilt and fear.

It is very difficult to have a quiet mind in the midst of this as I have this desperate need to feel "at one", "connected", "loved", and I am very much aware how my mind gets its feeling of oneness (and creativity) from its relationship to its thoughts - a kind of substitute for the real thing because the real thing is unavailable, and because the emotions are so horrible to live with.

I have been totally unable to form stable relationships with women or hold down a job due to all this stuff and have therefore sought solace in spiritual ideals - however, the utter failure of my spiritual seeking has made me wonder whether it was all just a cover up for my emotional mess.

Up until a couple of years ago when I became painfully aware of my emotional desperation in a romantic obsession with an unavailable woman which hit me seemingly out of the blue, I had told myself all this spiritual stuff about being a Holy Son of God, etc., and had managed to "live" on the energy of my spiritual idealism (though not on the real energy of connectedness) and hoped that enlightenment might be just around the corner or even "now". Since then I have sunk into increasing disillusionment with all things spiritual.

I am left craving and fantasizing about living with a beautiful woman in a beautiful cottage in the North Western Highlands of Scotland, not spiritual enlightenment as it just seems that I have been deceiving myself about wanting it.

Yet I know all too well just how hopelessly unfulfillable my fantasies are as they are based on the very lack which prevents them from ever having the possibility of being fulfilled. Of course if the lack were resolved and I did feel connected and at one and loved then I wouldn’t need these worldly substitutes, but that just seems impossible, at least not without some unimaginable trauma to push one over the other side - which is all so cruel and which is one reason why I hate the spiritual process so much.

Something in me hangs on to the idea that there must be a better way, but I am utterly at a loss...

A: Beloved One

The ego judges your experiences as failure, yet still the Inner Wisdom comes shining through as evident in the following words: "I know all too well just how hopelessly unfulfillable my fantasies are as they are based on the very lack which prevents them from ever having the possibility of being fulfilled. Of course if the lack were resolved and I did feel connected and at one and loved then I wouldn’t need these worldly substitutes..."

You hang on to the idea that there must be a better way, and there is. What the ego judges as "loss" is truly gain, for the world is backwards and upside down. What the ego judges as "failure" is truly success. The ego seems to offer substitutes for Reality and seems to thrive "from its relationship to its thoughts" but illusions have no Reality and the ego is not real. It is not wise to identify with an illusion and you need not do so. As it dawns that the ego has nothing to offer there is no need to follow its advice or seek after its "substitutes."

The ego's self-concept seems to be crumbling, and now the Spirit offers forgiveness as its replacement.

Is this not an exchange you would gladly make if you realized it offers only happiness and fulfillment?

Spiritual seeking ends in Finding Stillness, for in Stillness there is nothing to seek for.

To the ego Stillness is death, yet knock on the door of Stillness and It will open.

You are Spirit and the Beauty and Glory God created as One forever.

Vision is a replacement for every misperception. The body's eyes and ears see not and hear not. Do not accept false witnesses that would deny the Glory of the Eternal Spirit.

You are not a failure Beloved One. Trials are but lessons repeated, so mistakes about time may be released forever. The ego judges Awakening as cruel, for it feels threatened by Reality. Reality has no opposite. The only question which seems to remain is one of identity. The Self God created as One remains invulnerable. The attraction of Love leaves Awakening inevitable and entirely unavoidable. This is the Good News of the Gospel.

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