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The Body, Weight Control & Clarity about Holy
Q: I don't know if you remember my previous letter, you get so many. It was about my sister dying mysteriously three months ago at the age of thirty six. You helped me put perspective on that. I took your letter to my acim group and we had a long discussion about it. It was very nice.
Anyway, when I tell you how she died you will understand my huge issue about weight control. She was secretly anorexic and we had no idea. She starved herself to death. She wasn't fat but she saw herself that way. My family has some messed up attitudes about the body. So this is the place that I need to dig deeper. And I need to talk about this with my family so we can all heal and see things a little differently. This is the thing I think I avoid. We have this issue together.
The thing I really wanted to ask that feels now like it is a HUGE obstacle, is the issue in ACIM about the Holy Relationship. I came to ACIM, as I said, through a therapist, a one on one relationship. He told me about the little booklet offered in the back of ACIM, which I read, about psychotherapy. And in the acim book it talks about "entering the ark" together with one other. This is partly why I am confused about relationships.
It almost sounds as though you need one other specific person in order to awaken, as though there were one specific person waiting out there, who is so near your same awareness, and they mirror you so closely, that you help each other Home... a very specific Holy Relationship.
So I look at my life, and how all relationships seem to be temporary and limited, and I think I approach each one with the expectation that THIS could be the relationship that reflects enlightenment to me, and I to them! So, Obviously I don't just have big expectations of each relationship, I have the ultimate expectation! But it says right in ACIM that each encounter with another brother could be the one that shows you the Holy Instant. This is the biggest source of my confusion about relationships. I don't have any huge "special" relationships to transform into a "Holy" one. What if I never do? And yes, I offer each one to the Holy Spirit. But apparently that's just been lip service on my part.
But the real question is, Am I taking this too literally? Or do you actually have to have another to help you Awaken? Because this sounds very much like the concept of guru, only a little different. It sounds like each member of a pair serves as both teacher and student to each other. But you just spoke about that in another letter, about the concept of Guru not being needed anymore.
Forgive me for taking so long for this letter. I'm not known for my brevity. But I really think knowing more about this will help me. I have been profoundly confused about this for a long time. And I really need redirected. So I just went for it! Please know my sincerity. I appreciate your time so much and thank you for your help to me and others. I thank you and I thank God for you.
A: Hello Beloved One
Thanks for your openess and your willingness to look deeply at what
is underneath these topics and issues. The split mind contains the problem
(the ego) and the Solution (the Holy Spirit). When they are
The body and the world are always the focus of ego's perspective, for
it seeks to make real problems and struggles "in the world"
and to avoid the inner Healing Correction of the Holy Spirit.
The ego is this identity problem and it was Answered or forgiven by the Holy Spirit the instant it seemed to arise. This one problem could be described as an authority problem or a confusion in who is the author of Reality. The "mind" that believes in the reality of the time-space cosmos has a control issue, for it believes that it can create itself. This ego "mind" also thinks it is in competition with God, although this is pushed out of conscious awareness. This unconscious ego thought system is exposed in the ACIM Workbook lessons, and Lesson #13 contains an excellent example of this unveiling:
"A meaningless world engenders fear because I think I am in competition with God."
This is the beginning of training the mind to forgive, for the focus is brought back to the mind, back to thinking, and taken away from the body and the world.
Anerexia, weight issues, body image issues, and interpersonal relationship issues are examples of projection, of seeing the "problem" where it is not: "in the world." The mind cannot tolerate the belief in a "war with God," so this belief is pushed out of awareness. The deep-seated control issue such a belief entails is then projected to the body and the world.
Weight "control," like any attempt to "control" the script or the body, is an attempt to control the past. The Holy Spirit teaches that the past can only be forgiven or released or seen as false – not fixed or controlled or changed.
The same "ego dynamic" is underneath interpersonal relationship struggles of power and control, of wanting to fix or change a person or a self-image. Personal "relationships" may seem to sail happily along for awhile, yet the make believe self-concept IS the "personal perspective" and thus is always on shaky ground.
Decisions are continuous. The Holy Spirit is a decision. The ego is a decision.
Atonement is the decision that ends all decisions, an acceptance of
the changelessness of Mind. The ego is the decision to believe that
the mind can be separate from God. Once the mind believed that it
The Holy Spirit says, "This world is not Identity. This world
is an illusion." And thus the Holy Spirit reminds the mind constantly,
"This world is not your Home. This world is not your Identity.
This world is not real." While the mind is split it is hearing
another voice (the ego) that's saying: "You've done
Thought-form associations seem to become a substitute "identity." The ego "mind" seems to be identified with the body, with family, with environments that seem to surround it (ie., I'm an American, Japanese, I'm male, I'm female, I'm from a wealthy family, from a poor family, I'm Catholic, Jewish, Protestant, etc.). All of these are thought-form associations. And these seeming other persons and places surrounding the little "personal self" are all part of this construction. The mind is very shaky about this small "identity," this small self, this little "me."
So the little "me" is shaky, and it seems like "other persons" give the little "me" reality and importance (ie., you're my son, my daughter, you're my boss, you're a loving father, etc.) and all the different things that these images seem to be telling this little "me" seem to be really important. Praise thus seems very important (ie., you are a "person" and you're a "good" one!)
Praise and acceptance from "others" SEEM to stabilize this very shaky thing. (ie., you're a great lover, you're a great provider, you're great with the children, you have a fine intellect, you have such a heart, you help serve so many other people, you're a great team player, on and on).
This aspect of the self-concept says that you are a person and you have all of these positive attributes that really make you a valuable and worthy person, that make you stand out above the crowd. You're not just anyone - you're someBODY special.
The flip "side" is criticism, which directly reflects the shaky sense of self. Criticism would be: (you're not as great as you think you are, you're not such a good team player, such a good provider, so good in bed - all the things that are taken as "insults" to the personal self-concept).
That's the flip side of the strokes.
To this ego self-concept that believes both "sides" (the positive and negative) of "thinking" are real, the Holy Spirit is perceived as a great "threat," for the Holy Spirit leads to the experience of forgiveness or the realization that none of the tiny images perceived as separate have any reality.
When the criticism seems to come, the ego attempts a substitution. It thinks "I don't need this. I'll go elsewhere and start other relationships with people who can appreciate my talents and skills and abilities, appreciate my personhood. I will avoid those 'negative influences' in the world and those negative people. I'll find another 'person' or join a group where people are 'like-minded' and forget about the rest of the world. These new people will like me and stroke me and praise me."
The attempt at substitution is an attempt to maintain a sense of specialness, a sense of separation, a sense of individuality (a private mind with private thoughts). Those attempts are special love relationships. They seem to reinforce worth and value and to validate personhood.
And they offer a false witness for clinging to the ego as "identity." To the ego, past associations serve to give personhood some sense of stability and consistency and value. Yet the Holy Spirit shows that past associations offer nothing of value, for they were made by the ego to deny the truth of God's Love.
Holy relationship emphasizes and reflects Content (right-minded thinking) and has an awareness of the meaninglessness of form. While the ego is believed "relationships" will seem to be specific, yet each one will present an opportunity to release the belief in specifics. Divine Mind is Abstract and Universal. Forgiveness is the bridge to the remembrance of Christ and God, Divine Abstraction.
Thus the Holy Spirit teaches:
"When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you
see him you will see yourself. As you treat him you will treat yourself.
As you think of him you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for
in him you will find yourself or lose yourself. Whenever two Sons of
God meet, they are given another chance at salvation. Do not leave anyone
without giving salvation to him and
The goal of the curriculum, regardless of the teacher you choose, is "Know thyself." There is nothing else to seek." (T-8.III.4-5)
The focus is always a willingness for miracles. Change but your thoughts
and your whole perception of the world is changed. The ultimate outcome
of this transformation is: I am as God created Me.
If there is a temptation to buy the bait of thoughts of form, here is a helpful reminder from the Beyond All Idols section of Chapter 30:
"It is not form you seek. What form can be a substitute for God
the Father's Love?
You do not want an idol. It is not your will to have one. It will not bestow on you the gift you seek.
When you decide upon the form of what you want, you lose the understanding of its purpose. So you see your will within the idol, thus reducing it to a specific form. Yet this could never be your will, because what shares in all creation cannot be content with small ideas and little things.
Behind the search for every idol lies the yearning for completion.
Wholeness has no form because it is unlimited. To seek a special person
or a thing to add to you to make yourself complete, can only
It never is the idol that you want. But what you think it offers you, you want indeed and have the right to ask for. Nor could it be possible it be denied. Your will to be complete is but God's Will, and this is given you by being His. God knows not form. He cannot answer you in terms that have no meaning. And your will could not be satisfied with empty forms, made but to fill a gap that is not there. It is not this you want. Creation gives no separate person and no separate thing the power to complete the Son of God." (T- 30.III.2-4)
This section gives a clear Answer to your question about holy relationship. Think with God, Perceive with the Holy Spirit, and experience the wholeness of forgiveness.
A "personal relationship" is still a self-concept and can only be a transitional "step" in Awakening.
The Holy Spirit's Purpose offers a forgiven world, a wholeness that transcends the seeming "parts." Glory and thanks to God for creating All as One!
Love & Blessings.
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