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Getting Back on Track - Feeling Like the Worst ACIM Student

Q: I have decided that I am the worst student to ever study ACIM. I have been right through the book (six years ago) dutifully doing all the exercises to the best of my ability.

Forgiveness - well just when I think, yes I do forgive something else pops up and there I go again ego rationalizing my decision as to why I shouldn't. I know that the Book is my truth but I just don't get it. And even if you forgive others what if they choose not to forgive you.

Fear - I had an experience where I was laying in bed late at night and I told my Higher Self that I had no fear, so please - return me to love. Well within a few minutes I can only describe what appeared like dark clouds rolling towards me and the energy in the room changing. Terrified I said, stop!!! (which the experience did) I am obviously full of fear, and do not forgive - a pretty useless student if I must say so myself!!!

I opened the ACIM book at the page where it talks about, "you may think that I was mistaken at choosing you as a channel" and I do laugh.

Can you tell me where I go so obviously wrong.?????? Regards.

A: Beloved One
Thanks for writing. The sleeping/dreaming mind is very, very deep and unknowingly is afraid of God´s Love as long as it believes in the ego. The ego is the belief in separation from God and must be completely exposed and released before the mind is restored to its natural State of Peace.

You are not "the worst student to ever study ACIM" because comparison is only an ego device and Love makes no comparisons or evaluations or judgments. The ego knows nothing, being nothing, and you need not attempt to share in the thoughts/beliefs/emotions/perceptions of insanity. The Course is to be studied and practiced diligently if you wish to experience the Peace that Jesus and the Holy Spirit and I promise you. You have been told that Peace is inevitable, and told that you must go through the darkness to the Light. The decision to follow and practice ACIM demonstrates a willingness to move in the direction of healing the mind, and the decision to heal with the miracle is a moment by moment decision.
"Be vigilant for God and His Kingdom" is a statement that Calls forth the willingness to watch your mind for ego thoughts and let them go. It takes practice and sustained willingness to be so very attentive to the mind and to withdraw attention from pseudo "problems" that the ego set up as distractions to Peace.

I am joined with you in our shared Purpose, and together there can be no failure. What God Wills is Perfect Happiness for everyOne in the Mind of Creation. To recognize Creation it is necessary to see the nothingness and unreality of images that seem to be "fabricated" to block the Light from awareness.

A mistake is not a reason to give up hope in your mind training, and neither is a seeming series of mistakes. Release all past mistakes to the Holy Spirit and come again with an open heart to the Present Moment of Innocence. I will meet you there. We have a date. It is wonderful, I assure you. You will not regret keeping this appointment.
Showers of Love.

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