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Allowing Anger to Come into Awareness

Q: I've been on my journey for over 40 years now and only since I met you have my eyes truly begun to open. I'm in a mental quandary and after reading your material, I know the only way is forgiveness. Forgiveness of others and myself, but darn, I want to hang onto the anger just a while more! I'm really a loving, forgiving person but this was a HUGE one! It makes me feel the past 16 years of my life were in vain and yet... I know there are no mistakes and I need to let it all go in forgiveness. It's all ego trying to take control and I have had to be so vigilant that it seems all I'm doing is centering myself and thanking God all day long for showing me the lessons I need to learn from it... but it keeps popping back.

Rejoice with me, will you, that the answer is made clear to me and that I am not only able to let it all go and remain in this moment, but feel joy for the actual experience. Thanks for listening... Hugs.

A: Beloved One

Allowing the anger to come up is part of the seeming process – it will keep popping up in different ways until it has been released entirely. I have shared a story at many gatherings that I am reminded of now:

I was always considered a patient and kind person, I worked with children for ten years as a teacher and I never got angry – people would ask me if I ever got angry and I would say no, never. However, my older brother knew just how to push my buttons so there was anger deep down there, it was just that most of the time it was not in my awareness.
When I began studying ACIM and I read that I was angry at God, I didn't know what that meant. I hardly knew what God was and it didn't make sense to me at all so I sat and prayed, welcoming any unconscious anger to come up into awareness for release. I continued to ask for the anger to come up over the next few days and then it did…. I woke up angry for about three months!

At first I tried to stuff the anger (push it back down or keep it quiet), It was unbearable judging so much but the more I stuffed it the more difficult it was to be around those I projected on, and the wider the gap seemed to be between us (in my mind). I found myself trying to protect myself from dealing with the anger – sure that if they knew what was going on in my mind they wouldn't want anything to do with me. Eventually I had to let it all out and although it felt hideous, I trusted the purpose of our relationship enough to expose it all. Rather than being rejected I was received with love.

Heaven was created perfect, Christ was created perfect, and this world is a projection, a pseudo reality in which the ego attempts to recreate itself any way that it likes. Of course it is never satisfied, it doesn't know what it wants, and you can never be satisfied with "life here" because it is not Home and "life here" is an attempt to deny Life, God and Reality.
This is infuriating to the ego and the anger comes out in all sorts of ways, road rage, a spouse not playing by the matrimonial rules, a child misbehaving repeatedly, a government making up crazy laws, church boards not being open-minded enough. This whole world was set up by the ego as a place where God could enter not, it is a defense against the truth.
The anger goes very deep, and although it plays out on the surface as anger at the world – at the way the world is or the way the world is not, it is the ego's anger at God.

The ego is angry that God is not granting it reality and when you are identified with it, you feel its emotions. The ego is the darkness, it is the denial of Love, therefore it is death. It cannot be embraced and when you are identified with it, you feel its emotions. Love and fear cannot co-exist, the misperception has to be seen for what it is, in order to be released.

Lesson 14 God did not create a meaningless world is very helpful for this, and applying this lesson directly to the misperceptions is a helpful first step in releasing the wrong-minded thinking, i.e. God did not create that _____ (situation or illness) and so it is not real.
Lesson 13 Proceeds this lesson with a clear description of how the ego believes it is in competition with God. Fear and anger are the same, all emotions that are not of love are of fear.
Lessons 21, 22 and 23 are a very helpful sequence that can help pop the mind back into rightmindedness when applied directly to a situation:
Lesson 21 I am determined to see things differently (this takes humility and a willingness to be wrong about what is being perceived)
Lesson 22 What I see is a form of vengeance (I recognize I am in a vicious circle of attack thoughts and I can ask myself if this is what I want)
Lesson 23 I can escape the world I see by giving up attack thoughts (this is the only way out of fear that works because there is an admission/ acknowledgement of specific attack thoughts and an active desire to dismiss them)
Aside from letting the anger come up for release, and taking a close look at your thoughts and beliefs and desires that are down there in the mind, the serenity prayer is a very helpful tool for coming back to sanity.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Through my own enquiry I found I was angry at God because I didn't want to be here in this "painful place where I perceived sickness, suffering and lack". I went deeply into these perceptions, willing to be wrong about each of them, releasing all of the thoughts and memories associated with them to the Holy Spirit.

Expose all of the fears that would stop you from releasing the anger, knowing that Who You truly Are is pure Love and is entirely beyond rejection. I rejoice with you in this glorious truth,

With blessings of love.

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