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Living in Community - Looking at Wants and Preferences
Editor's note: This transcript has been lightly edited to bring clarification to certain points of the dialogue and for easier readability. For this reason, it does not match the corresponding audio mp3 word-for-word. However, the overall content and the expressed ideas remain unchanged.
Friend: The I wanting that I associate with request is the thing that has to go.
David: You have pictured that I wanting comes with a picture attached. You’ve asked a question by yourself in The Rules for Decision terms and you set an answer in your own terms. That’s the picture. The other day when you were talking to your friend and she seemed to be upset, I remember you saying, “Well it seems like maybe you had a picture in your mind of how it was supposed to go.” You were helping guide to the point of seeing Yeah, if you have a picture set, if you have an investment in the outcome then you still must believe there's some kind of a form that would be best.
And the whole purpose of everything we do is coming to hold the torch out in front so to speak, or stay in that place of right mindedness where you see you’re the dreamer of the dream. Seeing that things are orchestrated and there isn’t a sense of personal requests, that suggestions or requests, as they come through you, are made when you’re lined up with the Holy Spirit and just trying to be truly helpful. And there's no charge attached to how it works out. The gift is in the giving. The suggestion is part of the gift and there's no expectation of when the gift will be opened, if it will be opened, and how it will be opened—how things are to go, how things are to unfold in form. That’s really the distinction we’re trying to get at with everything we go into.
Our friend was mentioning earlier that she has a list for groceries and there was a request for individual coffee packets or whatever. I mean, even with all the logistical things the stuff we've talked about is that as long as the mind believes in specifics and in the ego it has ordering of thoughts. That’s what it means to be wrong minded. Believing in the ego is to have a hierarchy of illusions, including preferences, and the key thing we've attempted to talk about over and over has been, just examine, just watch those preferences. As you continue to start to see that judgment, ordering of thoughts, offers nothing of value, you will question it, you will get so set on your one function, on your single purpose, or as our friend was just saying, “All you have to do is think one thing—that you're the dreamer of the dream.”
That’s the simplicity of it. And you see that you can’t be the dreamer, you can’t be back from it all, and continue to judge and order and have hierarchies. They don’t go together. All the peace and joy and love comes from being in the dreamer position and from seeing the world differently and giving it another purpose and not ordering and judging. All fragmenting and all the pain and misery comes from ordering, judging, fragmenting, and perceiving yourself as caught in the dream.
So like even with the request for coffee. It’s kind of like as long as there seems to be enough money to buy things, and if it doesn’t seem to get too extreme [laughs], you could see where preferences and whims taken out to the nth degree could seem to get into all kinds of logistical things. Oh we'll just get everybody what they want.
Friend: And I have a feeing we'll have to deal with that real soon. Because I'm going way over budget with filling everybody's requests and so far there's been enough money because I had a cushion in there with money that I had saved up, but now its dwindling fast.
David: Yes. And that’s when we come together, as part of the logistical meeting yesterday was about buying foods that are easy to cook.
Friend: Well, plus the pantry is stuffed full. People are going to have to start eating that, I don’t care if they don’t want to cook. I think that this whole thing is going to be an experiment and as I was leaving the store today and adding up what I've already spent this week, which is way over a hundred dollars, I just thought Well, it'll be interesting to see how this works out. And then when I came home and could hardly find any room in the pantry to put the few things I bought, I thought Well this is funny. I'm going to buy groceries and I can barely fit them in the cupboard. The pantry has never ever been that full since I've lived here.
David: What I said initially about the suggestions, when there seems to be a mutiny of, I want some certain things! That the whole idea of the suggestion pad was to just have people have something, maybe one or two items, because you can see the other end of the swing or the pendulum. The first end is the mutiny kind of like Hey! I exist too! I have preferences and I want to be noticed! And the other end is Ooh, this is kind of nice this list thing, I’ll just keep filling it out.
Friend: I had noticed, like our friend’s two requests were coffee and salad dressing. Well there are probably five or eight bottles of salad dressing in the house, either in the refrigerator or in the pantry, but he wanted a different kind. So we have one more [laughs] bottle of… and he wanted coffee. Well there's a whole bunch of coffee in the house too but he wants the different kind of coffee. So it’s just all duplicating stuff because people want something a little bit different than what's already here. It’s not like we don’t have salad dressing, that’s for sure.
I'm not the baby sitter here, if people put it on the list and I have the money I’ll buy it and when the money runs out then I’ll call a logistic meeting and say Ok you guys how do you want to handle this, because I'm just the messenger here. I'm not the one that’s going to say Oh excuse me! You asked for salad dressing, a certain kind but you need to aaaah… I don’t want to have that role either because that feels like being a mother to everybody [laughs]. I'm trying to step away from being a mother to two people; I don’t want to take on more.
David: Or even being a mediator… like if there was a request for salad stuff and then it doesn’t seem to be eaten or it starts to rot, the mediator can’t be the one in the middle to have to answer for that.
Friend: I bought more lettuce and there's already lettuce in the refrigerator, but people say they won’t eat that lettuce so now there are two things of lettuce in there. It’s stuff like that.
Friend: I may just go for a week without buying groceries until the food supply goes down a bit. If all the chips get eaten up, all the peanut butter and jam gets eaten up [laughs], all the bread gets eaten up, then people will have to cook pasta or rice or something I guess. I felt myself too, to stepping back from it and just saying Well I don’t know what any of this means and I don’t know what any of it’s for but I'm just here to watch what happens. And I just felt myself going to the store and getting what was on the list, I didn’t get anything else and I just had the thought of Well, I'm just going to watch how this all unfolds and how it all works.
David: Another step of “eat what’s served” would be “eat what's there”. Can you imagine the followers of Saint Francis, that sometimes went for days without getting anything and sometimes just a loaf of bread, all sitting around saying Oh we're running out of such and such. [laughter]
Friend: I don’t want to cook! [Laughter]
David: Preferences running amok is what it gets down to.
Friend: I don’t want to fight about all this stuff; I don’t want to. It’s not worth it to me. I've spent enough days being not at peace about it and I'm not going to do that anymore. And I'm not going to engage in fights with people about it.
Friend: That’s good for all of us.
Friend: And, I am open to suggestions; I am open to whatever anybody thinks they'd like to do. I mean right now it’s just none of it seems important to me. And I see it as an opportunity just to look at stuff. Just to experiment with all of it and see.
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